@DanMentos: My coworker used to joke "I'm allergic to most nuts, but not donuts!". Until Bill brought in peanut butter donuts. He died in the ambulance.
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@Shock_Monster: Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*
@SadPeruna: Get a TATTOO they said! A rock band tattoo would be the BEST they said! Creed will be popular FOREVER they said!
@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
@ReeseButCallMeV: Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15.