@DanMentos: My coworker used to joke "I'm allergic to most nuts, but not donuts!". Until Bill brought in peanut butter donuts. He died in the ambulance.
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@gagging: If you think marijuana doesn't kill you've obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right.
@Sickayduh: Chairman: Ok so we've decided a group of crows is called a flock? Creepy Frank: *licking a knife* I've got a better idea
@too_chihuahua: "How much are these glasses?" "$150 sir" "I guess you could say" *puts on sunglasses* *runs out without another word*
@the_anastasia: My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.