@DanMentos: My coworker used to joke "I'm allergic to most nuts, but not donuts!". Until Bill brought in peanut butter donuts. He died in the ambulance.
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@BlindChow: Mom: Time to wake updog. Son: *groggily* What's updog? Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u? Dad (from hallway): OWNED
@suntzufuntzu: [Antiques Roadshow] When this was first painted, the wolves were much further in the background. I would sell it before they reach the frame
@ddsmidt: Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says "oh, you want to see crazy?" Reassure her that you do not.