@tatsabrat: My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's creepy. The fact that he asked through my bathroom window after my shower just made it awkward
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@JimmerThatisAll: If you're angry at somebody and subtweeting them and it's not me please add "Not you Jim." at the end. Thank you.
@jerryRenek: Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?