@tatsabrat: My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's creepy. The fact that he asked through my bathroom window after my shower just made it awkward
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@jollyrobber: You kids today with your on demand music don't know the euphoria of hearing your jam come on the radio without the DJ talking over it.
@TheAlexNevil: Me: Do you have any three tiered wedding cakes? Baker: But of course! When do you need it by? M: No, I'll just eat it here.
@kelkulus: Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars.