@tatsabrat: My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's creepy. The fact that he asked through my bathroom window after my shower just made it awkward
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@AudreyPorne: "Sexy role play.. I'll be a dentist." "I'm here for my appointment" "Did you book in with Karen first?" "No?" "Please leave, I'm very busy."
@PaperWash: Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house.
@cluedont: Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?
@QwertyJones3: BOSS: This team isn't performing, hire someone with a good track record [2 wks later] ME: I'd like you to meet our new employee, Usain Bolt