@RamblingMachine: My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.
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@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"
@MavenofHonor: Seems like I can't even sit on a park bench anymore without someone's henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases
@Anon_imosity: [walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads.