@RamblingMachine: My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.
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@SCbchbum: Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren’t rolling yet.
@slimmy_shady: Honest ads - 'Hot singles in your area want to be just friends'. 'Hot singles in your area think of you more like a brother'.
@KyleMcDowell86: [commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* "There has to be a better way" Narrator:MOPS