@TEXASVETERAN: My dad annoyed my mom calling her "Mother of 7" until the day she called him "Father of 4".
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@Shut_up_Marissa: In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.
@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
@MissNaughty1801: Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years