@Ndeshi_M: My dad is Jamaican and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
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@pattymo: GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank
@jonnysun: GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm… i'll give it 5 stars EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]
@IRLPepperMD: *parents come into my room* "We need to talk to you… We think you're an owl." *turns neck all the way around to face them* "Who- I MEAN WHY"
@WowYoureFunny: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3x while carrying me to the car!