@SondraDeeMe: My dance moves are best described as a woman trying to put on pants 4 sizes too small, with a wasp flying around her head.
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@BriarSlyMalice: HIM: My new girlfriend's name is "Bella". That means "Beautiful" in Italian. ME: It also means "War" in Latin...so good luck with that.
@jordan_stratton: [Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants.
@StarWarsProblms: Yoda: Clouded, your future is. Anakin: Are you smoking pot again? Yoda: Six cheeseburgers, I want.
@BryMastas: When you're pushing 40, the real life challenge is to find the pic angle where you don't look like Jabba the Hut.