@SondraDeeMe: My dance moves are best described as a woman trying to put on pants 4 sizes too small, with a wasp flying around her head.
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@mrtruthandsoul: No, I don't need a bag; I'm gonna juggle this 12 pack, this bag of ice and this whole roasted chicken on my unicycle while whistling Dixie.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.
@tweetsauce: This is ridiculous: "www" contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is 'short' for, "world wide web."
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Can't.. arguing with someone who thinks phone internet and internet internet are two different internets.