@BradBroaddus: My dancing style can best be described as "newborn gazelle being chased by lion."
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@weismanjake: I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me "you know Hitler was also a vegetarian" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The "walk of shame" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card.