@Sassafrantz: My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.
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@TheToddWilliams: [apiary] ME: Are you the beekeeper? BEEKEEPER: Yup ME: Can I get some? BEEKEEPER: Nope ME: Is it because you k— BEEKEEPER: I keep them
@iwearaonesie: wife: Can we get a kids menu? waitress *brings one* wife me wife me [already doing the maze] wife: Can we get 2 kids menus?
@hippieswordfish: *erases 1 and writes 0 on the 'days without incident' chart at Earl's Discount Stilts and Ceiling Fans*