@Sassafrantz: My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit.
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@Just_Beachy72: Answers phone breathlessly Friend: Sorry!! Didn't know you had company Me: I was washing floors F: Oh...is that the new code? Me: No...
@psychogoddess: How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?? Dude,I already did my time.
@underrateDad: 83% of parenting is repeating the same set of instructions over and over using a different kid's name.
@poopiest: "haha this costume party is great" "sir PLEASE get off the table" "cool librarian costume" *sprays silly string* "hey dude nice police costu