@seamussaid: my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards
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@zachreinert03: I think marriage is probably like having a business partner. No that's not true, probably weird if your business partner takes your kids
@Underchilde: Hey, remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? Good times!
@stevevsninjas: [airplane strafes the ground with machine guns] Mozzarella: *checks self* I'm OK. Cheddar: Me too! That was close, eh Swiss? ...Swiss?