@seamussaid: my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards
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@JohnnyCrash5: [First date & I'm super nervous] Her: Are you ok? Me: yesh. Her: did u just say yesh? Me: um Nosh.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: So you collect pictures of guys with their height and weight? Sounds a lot like Grindr Friend: THEY'RE BASEBALL CARDS, JERK