@Jenny4ashley: My daughter loves all the toys she sees in commercials. So of course I have to tell her they don't exist in real life, just on tv.
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@FlyJ_: NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop.
@Mindless4Miles: Hopefully women like a mature man. Because when I say I can do it multiple times a day, I mean vacuum.
@silent_musings: Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"