@Jenny4ashley: My daughter loves all the toys she sees in commercials. So of course I have to tell her they don't exist in real life, just on tv.
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@TEXASVETERAN: I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein.
@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."
@KenJennings: Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?
@iLikeCatShirts: Dealer: Anyone follow you dude? Me: just my cat *dealer opens trench coat & my mom jumps out* Mom: why are you using drugs???