@HousewifeOfHell: My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.
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@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.
@jazmasta: Been flirting with this hot chick in this bar for almost a hour now. It's only a matter of time now till nothing sexual happens whatsoever.
@AndyRichter: If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved
@NefuDaBoss: Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you'll be deaf by the time you're 20 Me: What