@peterjames48: How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.

@sofarrsogud: Guys, ladies love a rugged man. Be like a wolf. Knock down her house. Eat her grandmother. Tear her to shreds. *makes wolf sounds

@Jennuflect: Q-tips have a wide variety of household uses

@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.

@rachelle_mandik: i'm torn between getting my own personal jesus or getting a large jesus to share with the whole table