@Brianhopecomedy: My daughter turns 3 today. Due to our tight budget, we're not telling her.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: According to Facebook, Sept. 11th is about posting as many pictures of crying bald eagles obscured by an American flag as you can.
@heytherejeffro: Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.
@funnybeachgirl: I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.