@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD
@Scdavis24: I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
@POTerritory: General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir.