@mrtruthandsoul: My daughter wants a pony and my wife wants a new dishwasher, so I'm compromising and buying them a goat.
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@SSDated: You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you.
@tigersgoroooar: Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.
@13spencer: Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said “you got this,” so it’s safe to say that god has crappy taste in music.
@Sarcasticsapien: I only discriminate against people who discriminate. I'm basically the Dexter of discrimination.