@Overdue_Bills: My daughter wrote "Daddy is the best" in the snow then smashed it when I made her come inside. She'll make some lucky guy miserable one day.
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@LADaddy: There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too.
@ingmarbirdman: space republicans decree: if alien lifeform implants a egg in ur face,u must carry it to term. perhaps wear a less enticing helmet next time
@claire_mudie: If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser.
@leontymccarthy: I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.