@Flattliner: My daughter's been seeing someone called Jim. Only for an hour each time, always in sports gear and often sweaty afterwards. I don't approve
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@SteveSuckington: Good call inventor of glass tables. There's nothing more appetizing than realizing Aunt Mildred doesn't wear panties while I'm trying to eat
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.
@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]