@Flattliner: My daughter's been seeing someone called Jim. Only for an hour each time, always in sports gear and often sweaty afterwards. I don't approve
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@SatansTongue: *Vladimir Putin dining* I want Russian fries "They're French fries" Not for long *crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France* Not for long
@remmarg_yelsel: With Instagram's new video function, we will now be able to hear the quacks from all the duck faces.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison.
@neiltyson: I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine’s Day.