@Flattliner: My daughter's been seeing someone called Jim. Only for an hour each time, always in sports gear and often sweaty afterwards. I don't approve
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@NotThatKevin: I said my wife's name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet's empty...
@TravLeBlanc: I'm a failure as a sociopath. I'm just not very good at manipulating and taking advantage of people. I'm more of a so-sopath.
@usermcuserface: Mary Lincoln: we're going to that play tonight, and that's final! Abe Lincoln: ugh... how can this day get any worse?
@bgirl314: 5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you.