@Flattliner: My daughter's been seeing someone called Jim. Only for an hour each time, always in sports gear and often sweaty afterwards. I don't approve
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: Whatcha doing on the PC? Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT?!? D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
@jus4golf: Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that shit quick.
@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.
@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing