@JasonLastname: My dentist recommended I sleep with a mouth guard, but I'm skeptical insurance even covers who I sleep with.
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@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
@Book_Krazy: Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness
@AmericanGent69: Wife: You won’t believe this... Me: *steadies eyes* Wife: So you know Frank my co-worker from accounting... Me: *narrows eyes* Wife: ...well he asked about my marriage... Me: *squints* Wife: He was flirting... Me: *eyes close completely* Wife: Now don’t get mad Me: *snoring*
@DamienFahey: The Rainforest Cafe isn't realistic enough for me. Part of the restaurant should burn down by the time you finish your meal.