@jenstatsky: My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
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@Smooheed: Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower
@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.
@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.