@1CleverClogs: My diet plan is just watching my 400 pound coworker lick her lips and sweat as she describes her dinner from last night.
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@myles_morrison: If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think "now it's their problem."
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
@thomaswhitehead: London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets.
@AnkCoupleTO: [estate planning] Advisor: Have you thought about an end-of-life gift? Me: I'll be dead, that's a big enough gift for everyone