@StephenBCramer: My dirty language got me suspended in school but many years later I get rewarded with stars and retweets, never give up on your dreams kids.
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@TheCatWhisprer: ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*
@MaraWritesStuff: Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge. I AM POWER. I AM RESILIENCE. I AM A BRA STRAP.
@maebemarbles: *at the pharmacy* I WOULD LIKE THE PILLS THAT ALLOW ME TO CONTROL BIRTH *pharmacist blinks* GIVE THEM TO ME, SORCERER
@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*