@BrianIncognito: My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
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@topaz_kell: Rage against the machine is what I do when my candy bar gets stuck and won't drop down.
@StarksWeek: Me: "you hang up" Her: "no you hang up" Me: "no you hang up" Her: "no y-" Jail clerk: "sir, you only get one phone call."
@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"