@theshantilly: My dog tried to kill someone for talking to me, which is basically the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...
@Tmoney68: "If you gaze long into a bisque, the bisque also gazes into you." - Philosophical soup kitchen chef