@theshantilly: My dog tried to kill someone for talking to me, which is basically the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
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@MiniiG: If you complain about not being able to find your boyfriends name on a keychain that store will think you have a boyfriend
@daveexplosm: Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.
@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me