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@six_2_and_even: My dog would like you to know that there are many many good sticks out there
@Skoogeth: me: righty tighty lefty loosey
@mdob11: Me: Phone a friend
Judge: That's not how this works
@skankymunter: Dear Humans. Chicken soup is not good for the soul, weed is. Yours truly. The Chickens.
@outsmartedmommy: The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
@DaddyJew: Dentist: have you been flossing?
[ flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip earlier ]