@Dana_Bruno: My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the "i" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing
@PanicRestroom: How to run faster: 1. Drink a lot of water 2. Wait till u have to pee 3. Start running You're welcome
@AddTequila: My son: "Dad what's a douche bag?" Me: see that guy sitting with his friends wearing a Bluetooth?....