@ShittyComedian: My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus.
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@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."
@MakesYouGiggle: Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication.
@philyuck: She *blows into Nintendo cartridge* took *blows into Nintendo cartridge* the *blows into Nintendo cartridge* kids
@Ristolable: I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"