@man_spach: My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome.
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@TheRolo: I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don't know what Juno was doing in their dreams.
@ChadKroeber: Me: *tries to knock 1st kite out of tree using 2nd kite* *gets 2nd kite stuck in tree* Genie: please don't w- Me: I wish for a third kite
@shawnspree: I would fake a heart attack but this coworker would just try to finish his story in the ambulance ride to the hospital.
@bea_ker: Donald Trump's campaign is basically that thing where you say the wrong answer in Pictionary then just keep saying it louder and louder