@alwayzintruble: My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow..
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@MrBigFists: Just once I would like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent and their pharmacist for everything God left out.
@grimpossible: Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
@kathybotteas: Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own. Now they're like "That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart."