@revious: My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole
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@ericONEderful: A naked man brushed his teeth next to me as I washed my hands. This is why I don't go to the gym often.
@sad_tree: Good thing you put a swing in your birds cage he's probably on that thing like "MAN THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN FLYING"
@WarrenHolstein: Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone.