@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
@pleatedjeans: [interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one.
@Soren_Ltd: "And you sarge, got anyone special back home?" "An Internet commentor. Wants me to provide facts against his point. Said he'd wait for me."