@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing
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@travisauruss: Blood is thicker than water. But maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. I said it.
@MUMSIEesq: CASHIER: This bag of chips is open ME: Yup C: This bag of candy is open M: Yup C: This bag of-- M: Look buddy, I know all the bags are open