@kylegotjokes: My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that
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@marebytes: Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth
@Sickayduh: "911, what's your emerg-" "The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell" "Sir uteri is not plural for ute-" "TAMPI EVERYWHERE"
@eminmien: My teachers always told me drugs were never the answer, but they also told me Pluto was a planet, so now I don't know what to think.
@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]