@imence2: "My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth" was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
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@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
@ColoChiver: Think of a number between 0 and 20 Add 32 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?
@michel_lesann: “Is there a genius in the house?! It’s an emergency!” *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*
@BradBroaddus: Make sure your blind date from the internet has a big car. Nothing worse than a trunk with no leg room.