@imence2: "My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth" was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
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@Parkerlawyer: I just passed a beer truck on the highway. "Wait a minute. I'm named after beer?!!?" -My 6 yr old son, Miller
@OneFunnyMummy: I don't homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.
@thespacewad: If your parents say, "You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up", remind them that they'll have to die for you to be Batman.
@DaddyJew: Honey, I think the milks gone bad "what makes you say that dear?" *milk presses the gun to my back* just a hunch, btw where's your purse?