@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian.
@EndhooS: [1st day seal clubbing] Me: OMG this is awful Guy: [choking back tears] I know right? Me: [feeding MDMA to a seal pup] There isn't even a DJ
@GASmithIV: Like Rachel Dolezal, I too have been pretending to be something I'm not. For years, I've pretended to be white, when I'm actually a ladder.
@Darlainky: If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.