@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
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@notfaizzy: Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.
@TheHyyyype: When you drive, be careful to look out for bikes. Sometimes they're unchained so you can pull over and just take them.
@geowizzacist: (Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over
@WineMummy: Nothing says you're over your ex like showing up at his wedding with a bride and groom voodoo doll.