@PimpleEye: My ex's ex and my left hand are dating.
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@AlisonLeiby: I'm calling Facebook "Mom" now because all it does is tell me who from my high school is engaged and remind me about my cousins' birthdays.
@Howiesbookclub: "Daddy, are we poor?" Compared to the vast majority of humans on earth? No. "Compared to my friends?" Oh yes, sweety. As the very dirt.
@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello