@PimpleEye: My ex's ex and my left hand are dating.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: *realises I've just stepped on an ant* oh no JOHN WICK: Has anyone seen my pet ant? ME: OH NO
@StephenBCramer: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@Ideal_Victoria: The older I get, the more I relate to those angry elderly people who go around biting others.