@PimpleEye: My ex's ex and my left hand are dating.
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@MatCro: SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane
@BuckyIsotope: Nude Descending a Staircase is both my favorite work of art and the most common entry on my criminal records.
@_NinJar: Me: Whats the best thing on the menu? Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid