@LorieGZ: My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight.
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@BitchyJasmine: My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. :)
@Thynebear: Mom I get nervous on dates & always sweat. "Wear something that doesn't show stains" [5 hours later] How was your date? She hated my poncho.
@AnkCoupleTO: [almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope
@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*