@NotARatsAss: My father could have the original copy of the Declaration of Independence on the counter, and still make a meatball sandwich over top of it.
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@JB4Realz: Turns out, the guy who invented CPR just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest.
@NatetheEnigma: Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
@JimmerThatisAll: I've been getting fewer and fewer new followers but I'll be damned if I'm going to tweet something good just because some people have taste.