@shadygeekdad: My father in law is one of those "deep sigh until someone asks what's wrong" kind of women.
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@two1ohhbabydoll: "Bro, if she can still walk to the kitchen to make you a sandwich, you did it wrong." - murderers, apparently.
@paperphotoyo: [1st Date] Brain: Be cool, gurl Him: Hi, I'm Ja- Me: Toilet paper should be called crapkins Him: Netflix: So... Just you and me again, eh?
@DiGiornoPizza: Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY