@shadygeekdad: My father in law is one of those "deep sigh until someone asks what's wrong" kind of women.
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@darksidedeb: I accidentally dropped one of my husband's Viagra into my contact solution and now I'm cockeyed.
@sploosk: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he objectifies women ME: [trying to stuff bread into her armpit] toaster
@jordan_stratton: I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt.
@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.