@JohnFugelsang: My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve food.
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@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@basit_saeed: When people fall with their iPhone 6 in pocket and hear a crack sound: "Please let it be my leg, Lord."
@jacob_swift16: Her: I just don't like you, no one does Me: What, why? is it my hair? Her: no Me: MY LOOKS!? Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god