@JohnFugelsang: My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve food.
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@PeachyPixel8: You have tattoos and curves? *unbuttons pants* You're also batshit crazy? *takes off pants* You listen to Paramore? *puts on clothes*
@david8hughes: [bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us
@Contwixt: In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs.