@_SetTheHook_: My favorite childhood memory is not having a job.
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@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.
@chuuew: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: So he had grey hair, medium build, grey eyes, no glasses, a grey suit and grey shoes? DOG: Correct
@murrman5: [consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read
@noog: I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego.