@Mouthy_: My favorite exercise after a heavy meal is regret.
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@HatfieldAnne: TV chef warns against “over vegetablizing” a sandwich. I lean in closely, hoping he’s also against “under buttering” everything else.
@dave_cactus: [at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted...
@man_spach: My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.