@badbanana: My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum.
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@Mobute: A gritty reboot of basketball where we find out all the players' moms were murdered by circles and that's why they throw rocks at one.
@chrisanna4real: My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk.
@fro_vo: *Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on
@SteveSuckington: [wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? "It was Rover he w.." *dog makes throat slice gesture* "It was me. I shit on the rug"