@bossy_bootz: My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
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@iGreenMonk: Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twitcide. Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face.
@PortlandiaGirl: There's no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
@causticbob: My wife said "You only love me because my father left me a million pounds." "That's not true, I'd still love you whoever left it to you"