@Tbone7219: My favorite part about Black Friday is the part where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot & sit in my car with the reverse lights on
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@BritXNic: Don't argue with strangers on the Internet. Save up all that negative energy for your coworkers and door to door salesmen.
@SirEviscerate: [Wrench factory] BOSS: I'm proud to say it's been 250 days without an injury! WORKERS: *celebrate by tossing all the wrenches into the air *
@BuckyIsotope: [stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT’S THE WIFI PASSWORD
@LoveYoorFate: The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can't hear you" over and over