@SadieSkyNinja: My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.
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@PoliUncorrect: *Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter
@squirrel74wkgn: [slowly removing special glasses] Me (looking left): Bob, that eclipse was amazing Bob (taps my right shoulder): Hey, I'm over here
@ilovepie84: Tattoos tell a story, like tribal tattoos tell a story of a guy that wears sunglasses indoors.