@iCumBl00d: My favorite part of church is when they pass around free money.
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@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
@baeblacksheep: ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy.
@SteveKoehler22: Some of you keep touting donuts as the best breakfast food ..... But there are holes in your arguments.
@Snarfernini: Brain: HEY 2am let's think about Greg Me: Ok Brain: He saw you scratching your nose today & thinks you picked it Me: Wa...what? Brain: Owned