@dreamthievin: My favorite romance novels begin with "Preheat oven to 350 degrees"
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@Probablyrad: Today's kids will never know how it felt to give your computer AIDS just for free music
@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
@shopkins776: *Lying in hospital Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip
@2tickytacky: OMG. My wife's boyfriend made such a fuss when I told his parents at dinner about how noisy those two are in bed.