@Mellicubed: My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down.
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@Brampersandon_: When I die I want my funeral to be closed casket but like half way thru someone opens the lid and surprise - it's a nacho bar inside
@Where__wolf: You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!
@thenatewolf: *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs