@Mellicubed: My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [cop knocks on the door of a steamed up car] [I get out holding a bowl of melted butter & wearing a lobster bib] this better be important
@NicestHippo: *tries online dating* Oh…oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow
@SCbchbum: Careful, the circular motion you make with your hand to tell someone to roll down their car window is giving away your age.
@Dawn_M_: Remember, your neighbours aren't going to be attacked by killer bees on their own. You have to want it. You need to make it happen.