@GrrlGhost: My first son he is wonderful
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@KKAlThani: I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like "Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?" & we stay up talking about it.
@ojedge: [train] MAN EATING NUTS: "Want one?" [offers bag] MAN IN TRENCHCOAT: "May I have… seven?" [coat rustles excitedly]
@ShortSleeveSuit: Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I'm dying! Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
@Ojasism: Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?