@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."
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@SwedishCanary: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off.
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
@DanMentos: "So you met the victim on tinder" Yes "Do you often meet women on tinder"? Yeah I've been murdering it on there *lawyer puts head in hands*
@addyosmani: Wow, it's a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something. *closes the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen* ~ Developers