@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."
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@JessObsess: *Packing for a trip* Maybe I’ll bring my workout gear. I mean I haven’t worked out in 5 years but I might start on this trip.
@GrowlyGrego: *walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate "From! At! For! With!" What? "Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"
@AbbieEvansXO: Me in my 20s: [faking it till I make it] Me in my 30s: [still faking it till I make it] Me on my deathbed: ANY day now