@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
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@brianbowman73: I heard you like bad boys? *jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour* Sup.
@elizabeth_fels: [Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*
@marlespo: Twitter: Tell me I'm funny! Instagram: Tell me I'm pretty! Facebook: Tell me I have real friends! Pinterest: Tell me how to knit a condom!
@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.