@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order.
@Jen_says_nah: *puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering
@trentistweeting: [all the dairy products r hanging out] Milk: lets go drink Cheese: yea Yogurt: yea Whipped cream: my gf says i cant. its scrapbooking night
@SignsofNature: I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done...