@Social_Mime: My friend is a meteorologist so when he wants to hang out I tell him there's a 100% chance I'll be there and then I don't show up.
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@Xalqee: If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?
@david8hughes: There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going.